It is truly our pleasure and honor; not to mention, a growth experience each time we get together with Dr. Lynne. An Ed.D., LISAC, author of several books, Theta Instructor, Certified Coach and speaker; she is always at the ready with knowledge, inspiration and techniques for a variety of audiences .
Recently, Dr. Lynne came to us in an interview type format and shared more of her life story, passion for wellness and expanded us not just into our Holiday seasons yet into the rest of this year and beyond. We have tools, encouragement and a "3 ways to heal" accompaniment -FREE - just by visiting her webpage Desertjewel.org (we have enabled the link for you).
True to her servants heart, likemindedness in seeing all as spirit beings and love for the human being just as we are; we know you will find ways to fill up your cup below.
Glitter Queens Global
~Advocacy through Philanthropy
20/20 with Dr. Lynne Facing the Holidays with Chronic Illness
Q: How can each person thrive every day; especially as we entire a time when people may feel like the are able to tell us what to do, how to do it [through the Holiday Season] absent acceptance of our journey? How may we own our space and own it well?
Dr. Lynne: So much of that is standing in your own power. What I’ve seen in people is, that is a process. That typically starts when you are young and more and more people step into that when they are older. It’s seen more so in ones 50’s.
The other component though - is Everything is a choice. And I know there are parts of the mind that say, “well this isn’t and this isn’t” so:
When you can’t control the fact that you’re facing another Drs appointment or another diagnoses what you can choose is HOW you’re going to face it so are you:
1 - Going to take somebody else with you? Because sometimes that’s just what we need
2 - Are you going to get down on your knees before you go and surrender it ALL to a higher power because you just can’t carry it all yourself
3 - are you going to use the “Act as IF” thing and that is a really good one. That is a recovery concept - ACT AS IT -
You go into work and you act as if you’re doing okay. And when people ask how you’re doing you say, “I AM great, how are you?”.
That concept can really carry you. In fact sometimes it can convince yourself that you really are doing okay.
Question from participant:
Q: Difference between life coach and counselor in getting through chronic illness, Holidays, life etc
Dr. Lynne: therapists or skilled therapists let you be yourself and then they ask questions or invite you to explore and as you share; if they are skilled that leads you to insights into yourself. Sometimes they will give you information. E.g. They help you tune into that pain in your shoulder is about carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders. Maybe you have that kind of disposition so then they would talk to you and explore that with you. They do tend to give homework. It is an exploratory kind of conversation; at least with the better ones. There are some [therapists] who just give you a diagnosis, "Here’s what you have to do about and I’ll see you month", and those aren’t the type to go back to. It’s a person who makes you feel cared about, is interested in you, they are paying attention to you and you feel heard and affirmed. Then you know you’re with someone who might be able to help you.
Coaches and therapists are very different. Then psychologists are another level because they can give diagnoses as can psychiatrists who can give diagnoses and medication.
There are distinct differences.
My specialty is in recovery in addictions theory. It’s pretty broad now that it includes gambling, compulsive shopping, sex addictions and so forth. It’s gotten to be pretty broad.
Regarding the holidays again. Sometimes the place that we are in is so acute that
people use medications through a psychiatrist or a medical doctor can do it too, to get through the Holidays because it is such an intense time. So, some people do that. And, I do very much believe though the thought that the more you work on yourself and use a therapist, a healer, a journal, a spiritual practice, a support group, the better that it gets. And I do talk about that personally because there was a time in the early 80's that my depression was so bad that I could hardly stand the holidays. But as my life changed and I did the work to release the grief; therefore, the depression lightened up then the Holidays are awesome now. They are really fun! It was a process; It was a healing process. But I always came back and said more. Okay! Like, I’m doing great at work but my relationships with my girlfriends aren’t what I want so how do I address that and on and on and on. So, I just kept with the personal growth. Now, I look forward to the Holidays. I think everybody can have a that.
Q: When people deal with multiple things. For instance when people are layered. There may be chronic illness or multiple chronic illness, lack of support, acceptance. Perhaps one cannot eat or physicians aren’t supportive. What happens when someone tries to tackle everything at one time. How does one start or where do we start?
Dr. Lynne: Where do you put your focus? If I am focusing on “I don’t get enough” then I am going to experience “I’m not getting enough”. If I focus on “what can I do for others”, “how do I make their Holiday enjoyable”; all kinds of fun things will happen! So, I thought of going to a party (now, I don’t have all of the illnesses you’re talking about for example) yet I’m focusing on losing weight and I don’t want to go and eat all of that stuff. Most of it I don’t eat anyway because it makes me feel horrible. I go and they have all of their foods. Well, I bring a dish that is a nutritious, lightweight, vegetable based treat. I can have that and maybe something they have. I focus on what I CAN have and then I focus on the people. Because It’s not about the food. Halloween might be a lot about the food but it’s also about the fun. It’s about the delight of watching children, right? I buy candy for Halloween that I don’t like that children do like. That way, when the children come to the door I thoroughly enjoy talking to their parents and appreciating their costumes. It makes me so happy. That’s how I deal with that. I don’t eat their candy.
I set that evening up for success. That’s one.
For Thanksgiving: when they are taking all of those pies. Maybe I would bring a sugar free pie. Maybe I say I wouldn’t have pie. I make a plan in advance. Plan what you can do and focus on the positive of what you can have. Focus on the people.
Sit at the children’s table at Thanksgiving. Ask them to tell you a few jokes. Sit with a few of the older people for a bit. Older people often times feel like they aren’t heard.
When we take the attention off of ourselves and we focus on what we can be and do for others then everything shifts. We walk out at the end of the evening with a difference perspective. It changes everything!
Host: A dear friend of mine says that she enjoys the Holiday Season with her cup of tea sitting in her big comfy chair knowing she cannot eat yet loves watching everyone else enjoying themselves. She does this as opposed to making everyone else miserable because of what she cannot do. She takes joy in watching others do as she learns and participates in the joy of others.
Dr. Lynne: Take a look at those around you and enjoy the gift of others.
Dr. Lynne: Be of service. Whoever is home may need help. Do the dishes or set the table. Allow them to eat too since they have been busy making the meal all day.
Children can read to you. They want to share their stuff with you. Let them show you their favorite game even if you feel they waste too much time on it. It is the holiday. Focus on the joy they are having and you will feel the joy too.
Q: In the “in between” of each Holiday, Birthday or other events (New Year’s, Mother’s Day, Summer). What do you suggest one can do to keep oneself filled up?
Dr. Lynne: When your cup is so full it overflows and you have enough to give away as opposed to 'there is a hole and nothing is left for you or to give away'.
Even if or when people come to you - know you have something of value; when people DO come to you. You have worth!
New interpretation of when people come to you: You do have something to offer to others. When we feel our gratitude things shift. That gratitude can even be “Thank God I am not alone all the time”. Elderly people are often alone just waiting for people to come by. If people are just taking from you then do set a boundary. If people only come to you for money then decide and set a boundary. Always setting boundaries.
How to get through the in between times:
2. Look at your Self care. Desertjewel.org and grab the article “3 ways to heal yourself” for FREE
1: SELF TALK
Within the article under Self Talk it asks you to look at your self talk for example: “men are only interested in only one thing”. If you keep telling yourself that then you aren’t going to have pleasant experiences with men. Or “I go to church but no one seems to want to talk to me”. Self talk could change to, “I’m going to church and people are going to talk to me”, “I’m going to serve on a committee”.
Self talk: “That was stupid, I can’t believe I did that”. Try, “Oh that was silly, I can chuckle about that”.
We have to lighten up and have less judgment of self.
It has to be a really conscious process. In the beginning, It was hard for me to hear how I was speaking to myself. Eventually, I got pretty good at it and a lot of it I laugh at now. It is just ridiculous because I see us as really precious beings. No matter what wounding we have there is still a precious being in there and you ARE BEAUTIFUL.
It doesn’t matter the color of the skin, the size of the body or even the personality. Think of those grumpier people that are harder to like, they’re still beautiful inside because we are the same thing inside - we are spirit.
2: SELF CARE
What is your favorite self care activity?
It can be sleeping in, a nap, buying vitamins as opposed to pizza.
Whatever feeds your soul and your body. Meditations, pleasant music are examples.
With Halloween coming up instead of watching a scary movie; watch a movie for kids.
Dr Lynne: I like to, with the Holidays, take a child to see a play. Take a family member (when I taught school) take the class to see the Nutcracker. They had such a great time. One of my old favorites is watching Jerry Lewis movies.
Host: So books, movies, time to yourself, serving others not really deflects but puts things into perspective. I like to say that in your giving you wind up getting filled back up as well. You wind up getting what you need.
Dr. Lynne: Yes! You do. It does fill up your cup. You do deserve to feel good about yourself. All this stuff you have in your head about not being good enough, not being worthy enough. It’s just stuff we’ve picked up and it’s not even true. We have to start the process to change that and let that go. That’s where it comes back to coaches, journaling, therapists, a relationship with a minister who really speaks to you.
Understanding who we really are as opposed to looking at a symptom truly helps us get through seasons, holidays and relating with each other.
I was in an exercise class 30 years ago and there was a women in the back and she was short and a bit old and I was thinking isn’t that who I want to be? A woman in her 70’s who is a “go getter”. I have to take those steps to become that. It’s not going to happen overnight. When we ruminate, when we dwell we keep ourselves stuck. When we go to the internet and look up “how to become unstuck”, “how to stop self sabotaging”, or “how to change my perspective” and I had an example -
I got married really young and got divorced shortly thereafter. That I felt really badly about for awhile until my perspective changed and what it changed to was, “Thank God for that young man who wanted to marry me, it got me out of my parents alcoholic, very unpleasant home. It gave me an opportunity to step out of my life and another year and we were divorced". And I’m appreciating him as the person who helped me get out of that home and onto my own two feet. I did go back and lived in my parents home for 1 month and thought wow! What was I thinking, I can be on my own. I can do this. Instead of being angry with him because he wasnt’ the husband I would have liked to have had I appreciate him for being the one who helped me grow up into my own freedom. Looking for the gift.
What is the gift in _________________ ?
Look for the gift. It is there. It may take a while but it is there.
There is a book called “The artists way”. It suggests three pages of journaling a day. I do one. Put your thoughts, your pain on paper. It gets it out of your heart and your head. Sometimes you get insights as well. That is what you are looking for... Insights!
~ End transcription from Facebook LIVE ~
Find your insight, Find your purpose and your why! Enjoy your every day; your Holiday - why? Because you CAN!